And then 4 became 3 again

    If you're just joining me, please start at the beginning or this wont make much sense. Now that I got that out of the way I can continue. About 3 months after Dakota was born the arguing started again. To be truthful I didn't exactly fight fair, taking every oppertunity to throw his affair in his face, but I was still hurt. He was just added to list of guys that had cheated on me, which was all of them. There was one time though where he literally broke the door in half because I had threatened to leave him. I was scared to leave him, but I was scared to stay. I lay in bed every night debating about killing myself. If I was gone then he wouldn't hurt my family. But even then, even after he had torn me down to believing I was worthless, and that no one would ever love me again. Even then, I was to strong to do that to my girls.
     When I left Brandon, I did it the coward's way, which I still feel bad about. I tried to make sure he had support that day, I called his mom and told her I was leaving and asked her to be there for him. I only found out later that she was late, and he sat on the front porch with the roses he had brought home for me, alone. I had waited until he left for work that morning, and then I had moved my stuff out and left him a letter. Despite the fact that 3 weeks after I left him he met someone else and moved her into our house, he continued for about a year with the death threats. Even telling Azlee that he was going to run the car into my house and burn it down, and he was going to jail. I finally got to the point that I filed a police report against him, and that was the turning point. It still took a while, but now we are finally on good terms. There are some great things that came out of my relationship with Brandon. First of all our amazing girls. Secondly, my strength. It took a while after I left him, but after 27 years of struggling with insecurities, I can finally say that I love myself. I posess a strength that I didn't know was possible. So for those reasons I cannot ever regret being with Brandon.
     I will be writing more soon. This is, after-all, my personal therapy, and I will be using this to help me figure out who I am, and what I want.